A Failure to be Comforted

Oasis

When I was small, I used to spend lots of time being comforted in the arms of my mother. I'm talking about being 2 or 3 years old here. And it felt very very good. Comforting, close, warm, sweet. A sure oasis from fear and uncertainty. Perhaps you too can remember some of these small child’s moments too. It’s possible that the rest of my life has been plagued by the sometimes failure of these lovely old sweet feelings, being meet.

A failure to be comforted may be at the heart of what we’ve all been trying to do ever since. If fear is what we want to be comforted from, then what lately has been working for us. Does the society we live in provide any security, or our political and religious  choices? How about that latest techie app. Perhaps the house you bought, really is the sanctuary you sought. What about Pets, partners, husbands, wives, best buddies, books, that dress, that drill,… are they working for you.

I believe a nagging sense of unmitigated fear, that the sure oasis of our childhood [if you were lucky], won’t be found, is at the heart of us all. So I do what I can. I meditate, read up on everything, go and learn, and sometimes I do find that oasis for awhile and try to keep it close . I remember being at a park one day and saw a mother and child at play, it was lovely.

 You know the scene, a small child is being hugged by mom and then waddles off to explore a bit, and then in a few tiny moments returns for another burst of mom love, gets filled up and goes off again.

As you watch, this little child gets further and further away each time, before returning. Of course when we grow up, we get further and further away too, often to the point of snapping the elastic band. Did we since get a suitable substitute of that warm returning embrace? Did we find another oasis to return to? We, I believe, have spend the rest of our life since, “wanting” to repeat this act of exploring away from our oasis, and then returning, but I don’t think we’ve been very good at it.

Could most of the world’s woes, violence and war, be down to something as simple as this? Could unrest, unhappiness, sickness of all kinds, obsession and emptiness, be finally finished with, by something as simple as an oasis?

Paul

Intentional Resting

Today I came across  Intentional Resting. A couple of interesting self hypnotic affirmative statements designed to heal. And they do.

The idea of resting lies in when you slump into a chair and feel that delicious letting go, arhh body feeling. It’s usually a short but wonderful feeling, so much so that some folks will get up and slump down again, just to feel that lovely drop.

The affirmative part is designed to get you what you want, and the self hypnotic part is how [I think] the thing works. Although the guy that invented this, [Dan Howard ], has not used the idea of self hypnosis. It’s just my idea.

And so to the  2 statements. “I am resting for……,”  “I am resting into….”

So you’d say, “I am resting for my sore knee.” And then you’d notice if that arrhh drop in the chair feeling, happens. Then you could try the other statement…. ”I am resting into my sore knee”, and notice which of the 2 statements feels best.

It’s as simple as that, and I have been finding it works on so much. Go if you’d like to, to his web site http://www.intentionalresting.com . He has lots of little videos, and free stuff and stuff to buy as well. We haven’t bought anything yet, but because this “I am resting thing” works so well, we will be buying something soon.

I wanted to blog this because the idea of resting works so much better than being asked to relax, which doesn’t work so much. I think we have, since being babies, been clear about resting and having a rest, but when asked to relax, it seems that it’s not rest we are being asked to do, so what is it. What is relaxing. And that confusion blocks any suggestion to relax. But being asked to rest is simple, I think. Good luck with this.

Paul

Is it possible?

The whole manifesting trip succeeds or fails because  of what we think is possible. Thinking about the future and what’s in store for us and what I’d like to come true, is all about possibility.

If I have little doubt that not much is to be gained by imagining a future where wonderful things can happen, then it’s likely that it won’t.  But thinking about a terrific future makes it much more possible. It’s so much in our heads.

Don’t we all know people for who it appears that luck always comes their way and that these baffling people are always getting what they want. Do you know someone like that. Some children are like that.

Children as yet, don’t know that life can be cruel. Not knowing is their luck, I guess. As they grow and get experience of failure, their luck fades. God, how depressing am I this morning. I must break out.

This of course is where possibility comes in to it. Somewhere in my head is a false notion. All notions, ideas, thoughts, beliefs….are false. Even though they are just floating ideas, made up, they have powerful influence over what’s possible.

 And so, the idea of an erroneous conclusion finally makes an appearance. And just because it’s a false doesn’t mean it isn’t powerful enough to influence the future. Also erroneous conclusions are usually hidden. They are our blind spots.

An erroneous conclusion always brings me down man. Don’t bring me down. Be cool for a moment and lets dig this moment as sacred, filled with possibility … But I digress. Just know this…If you have a sense that life will give you sour lemons, and not the sweetness of sugar, you are under the influence of an erroneous conclusion. You’re wrong. You just think that life is like that. But it isn’t. Think again!

Life, I’m glad to say is a reflection of your possibility for it. You can almost always, predict outcomes by how sure you are of what you think will happen.

It’s taken this long in the article to reach this bit. It’s the good bit. It’s finally about to increase positive possibility. TA DA! Take a bow, applause. Thank you ladies and gentlemen.

Ok… now let me say a few things about the future. It’s made up entirely of what ideas are current now. Yes I know I’ve just done tautology [current, now] but I don’t care. I can if I want to, and  you can’t stop me, so there. Anyway, anyway, anyway, To gain a real sense that the future does hold much promise and possibility is a powerful thing.

There are some tools to help change your mind. You’ve heard of Mission statements, well what about a vision statement. It goes like this, start with the elevator talk. This is something that happens in an elevator when someone asks you “SO WHAT DO YOU DO?” You’ve only got seconds to get the message across, before the doors open.

Most people will fumble this. Sale people use this tool all the time as an exercise in clarity of what they are offering to a client. IF you can in just seconds make others understand, you yourself will also be clear.

Now then, using this elevator ride to make a vision statement of your beautiful future clear is the game, and to do it well is hard. At least it likely to be hard, for you have to first get to know what you want out of life. Then you have to simplify, until you can spit out what you want to say in a single breath.

Vision in a single breath. “I’m for cats”, “I like exploring what I find fascinating”,  ” I recognize and explore opportunities for joy that builds strengths and competencies. “, “A Life where I can  find and discover and have anything I might ever want”, "To keep finding the inspiring and innovative and joyous in all things"

Look I’ve been cheating a bit.

What I’ve done is to look up Vision statements in Google and copy and paste them in this little scribble and then muck around with how it’s worded until it starts to feel about right. How about this one, "Bringing the best to everyone we touch" it’s from Estee Lauder. Just tweak that a little and now it says…” , "Bringing the best to everyone I touch” Yes I like that!

Or with a little thought “I am bringing to me all the very best that life as I can conceive of it,  has to offer. H’mm, I like that.

So is it possible…to have the future you would like? if you could just think about it without being crushed by the remembrance of past crappy experiences, then, yes. These elevator talks and vision expressions are handy things. Also here is a link to vision statement you can play around with.

http://www.samples-help.org.uk/mission-statements/corporate-vision-statements.htm

Paul 

On the way to a catastrophe

People have said;

“What’s the good of positive thinking when a person can die in an earthquake. Are you really saying that their thinking put them in the way of a catastrophe. Do you really think that person would put the idea of dying into the mix of manifestation?”

They have also said,

“I know people who do all sorts of manifestation work and their lives are still crap.”

“I’ve been working hard to produce the future I want and I see no evidence of it’s manifestation.”

“Jeezzz”, these are good questions. I grieves me that I’ve never been able to answer in a way that will change a persons view one iota. Most of my answers have to do with my beliefs about what is possible and that isn’t tremendously compelling. Yet I still have something to say whether I can effect change or not!

If you come across people who do manifesting work and have ample evidence of the desired result, you have to ask, "are they doing something I'm not?"

Is it luck, do they have a sunny disposition, or are they just really clever. Proper smarty pants.

The trick as I see it is to work on something you desire, but not too much. Something that “matters not a jot.” So that when it comes, if it comes, -  good, and if not, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The second trick, is to try again. For the third trick, please read above.

Maybe on the way to the catastrophe, the manifesting work you do will be enough to make life a little bit more to your liking.

Maybe you will start to get bits of proof that some small change has occurred. Maybe this strengthens the power to opt for bigger and better things and maybe the big catastrophe can be averted after all. Maybe...who can tell? 
Paul

THE SHADOW

Imagine if you will, a shadow  just to the left of you. This shadow is a composite of all your learning, experiences and who you think you are.  Got it? There's you, full bodied and there is your own sweet shadow.

As you progress down the lane of life, I like that. A LANE OF LIFE. Use it if you like but I want royalties. Anyway I digress. After a time in the lane, what happens is that you begin to assume that the shadow is who you really are. So much time is spent on making the shadow more "REAL" that you begin first to identify with it and then to become certain that it is you.

Over time this identification draws you focus away from your true real self, the self that can cast a show. The one with real substance, and in the process becomes itself shadow like. The false now has susperceded the real.

This false shadow now is your daily self, and the true self is so severed from your attention that there are consequences that begin to arise. Sickness, loss of energy, a true and satisfied fullfilment becomes very rare and mostly forgotten. Lets not forget restlessness. But the biggie is Alzheimers. Time out of your true self is damaging.

Your shadow is a learned thing. It gives the names and meanings to everything you see, but it can not give sense and comfort or connection or relationship. Only your real self can sustain life. Only your true self can go "Arhh" when you slump comfortably in a chair after a hard day. Only your true self is refreshed after a good night's sleep. And only your true self makes a heightened sense of life after hearing some blissful music. In short, your life's substance is the self that allows the shadow.

Let's now close after a little visual picture. There you are in full substance and solid body. To your left is the shadow, a thing  in grey and of no substance. As you give attention to your shadow, it becomes more substantial and your so so solid bodily true self becomes shadowy and ephemeral. This is dying while still alive, and deadly to your health.

Luckily it is for the most part while you are alive, reversable. Get your focus back on the real you. The one that feels, lives and breathes.

Paul

A pattern emerges

“If I didn’t exercise a great  degree of the optimistic bright spark me, I think  I would be a depressed mess today.”

Carl Jung defined the Shadow Self as “that which we think we are not.”

Usually I see myself as an optimistic half glass full person, and I ignore the negative and focus on the positive. Most of the time this habit has me seeing myself as a happy and positive person.

When however I am asked questions about the negative in my life, I usually seem to be much more negaitive than I thought.

Accent the positive and eliminate the negative has been my motto, but maybe I have just been selective in what I will allow to the surface, thus allowing the negative to have a great hold over me. Perhaps I am guilty of hiding, suppressing, digressing. Perhaps this as a child seemed like the right and healthy thing to do.

So  I am actually, a happy optimistic clownish person who finds within himself, a rather largish, depressed and pessamistic part. So do my scores keep suggesting.

I am doing a long term study that measures my ratio of daily positivity to negativity and so far everything stated above has been plotted and verified.

There is a pattern that I am starting to see,  a sort of blind spot being slowly slowly surfacing, it’s this…I think I am not capable of flourishing in important ways, and I seem to find daily proof, and since this is a constant and doesn’t change, I have at a very early age focused on the good stuff instead.

This has made me split. A happy optimistic confident clown that has this dark fearful shadow made up of pessimism and learned helplessness in areas that would make me think of myself as very poor.

 If I didn’t exercise a great  degree of the optimistic bright spark me, I think  I would be a depressed mess today.

So what to do. So far it’s been to tune into my optimism. Clearly that’s not been enough for healing of my shadow. Perhaps my loving kindness meditative  practice which turns me into a kind nurturing person,  a sot of father/ parent figure, helps me hold and comfort little hurt me.

The other thing I was doing was to let the pessimism be active while holding onto some kind of nurture, like these thoughts and feelings raging while in the shower, letting the water drip down the back of my hair, and feeling that tingle. Maybe the kria would work, or even the 3 finger triggers to produce a pleasurable feeling during some pessimistic interlude. Maybe this would help heal the shadow.

I used to just let the negativity go and just be aware of it, and it went on for ages until it was spent. Perhaps that in itself was damaging. Today is the day for a new kind of approach as outlined above. We’ll see!

Paul

Getting Old?

On a program recently on age, we were told of an experiment where very old people were placed in a house that contained everything 20 years back. So that what was on TV  was from 40 years back, shaving gear was from an earlier time, as was furniture and fittings. Newspapers and magazines and music was from way back when. Everything, in fact was in place from when these people were themselves young.  The whole house was a throw back to the early 60’s.

These people were told that they were to be in charge of their own lives in that house for one week and that no one would help them….for a week. They were going to be living as they liked. Wash, cook, clean, do shopping, talk, read, scratch and laugh…for a week!

One week later, these older folk were younger in mind and body. Less sickness at every level. Less arthritis, less muscle loss, greater mental capacity and memory. This list goes on.

  All this was scientifically monitored and measured. This experiment has been repeated again and again, with the same result. If you give all of us, an environment where we are expected to act as if we are younger, we would….and they, did!

So was it mind over matter or something else, and are there lessons we can incorporate into our own lives?

I’m thinking that it’s not mind that matters, but that of a change of role. Let me explain…Start to act as if you are younger, so that you are actually doing things as a younger person does, is the key here.

Whether there is mind stuff involved, or more activity, or more challenges to face, when it comes down to it, does it really matter. H’mm? Science often tries the attempt to reduce miracles down to one primary cause, which I think is maybe missing the point.

And what is the point? Well, I think it’s to do with doing things that seem to fit with a sense of what we used to do, and were like. In some way, it’s like those guys in their midlife crises, who bought beefy motor bikes who were just trying to regain their youth. But I’m guessing  it’s more than that. I think they were succeeding. I think that’s exactly what they were doing...getting younger!

Perhaps they stopped biking out of ridicule, or exhaustion. Perhaps they aimed too high and fell too far. Perhaps they gave up too soon. BUT…while they were hooning it up in their leather jackets, they were YOUNGER.

So whether you are trying to stay young, healthy or mentally strong…and why not do it all, stepping into a time when you were younger and doing those things will, I’m sure reduce your age, change your mental outlook, firm up your zip and zowie.

Paul

How to open your heart

Also what opens your heart? For me it's lightness of being, vivacity and humour. What closes it is fear, suffering, and anything I think is getting in my way, which can be anything and it varies according to the endless fluctuations of my ego perceptions and attitudes.

I found I'm in Aged Care because that over time has opened my heart. I have married my wife because her heart is wide open and she is like a lamp in front for me to follow. Although I often don't look.

I believe that an open heart is a key ingredient in keeping your mind and memory strong, and that a closed heart will damage not just your heart but your chances for a fulfilling life that constitutes the winning formula for remaining in tip top condition mentally.

What makes for a successful older life is fulfillment, and an open heart allows you to see all things in a way that witnesses fulfillment everywhere.

I guess our usual way of living is to try an alter the life around us so as to approximate what we want that we think will give us comfort and joy.

Yet the world around us, in all it's glory, is trying to do the same thing and rarely coalesces into our glad picture of it, if at all.

Where as with an open heart we find that the comfort and joy we want from  the world, is living wonderfully within us and that we are feeling and seeing this wonder as we just live our day, with no need to change anything. An open heart will do this in a holy instant.

It's an every day miracle available to us at a moment's notice and often just happens without our doing anything. A blessing bestowed without warning. A beautiful thing to behold.

So how to have a open heart?

There are things to learn, to do and to practice and then there is just plain old "give it time".

Start with things that you always wanted to do. Possibly ground to a halt during your teen and adult periods, when becoming and training for adulthood and then maintaining that became all consuming.

But now as older adults, you again have been given immense freedom to peruse "you". Often what you were doing and had urges to do before "growing up" can be stimulated and coerced back.

All the areas of compassion can lead to an open heart. Things like volunteering, visits to older frailer people, or others in our global village that could use a helping hand.

If you have money, you could support some cause, or start up some great idea to improve our lot.

Go join a singing group, or pick up the Ukulele, and have a pluck. Or even a musical society. An arts group, or walking group. Mix with people to open that heart.

You could learn to open to a spiritual discipline, and practice there, moving around the many different themes and types of schools for some kind of spiritual attainment.

Look, the world is your oyster. Certainly if you like shellfish. Otherwise the world is your hamburger.

An open heart can be got in as many ways as there are people to think of ways to get there.

I think the keys must contain love, compassion, forgivenesss, and spitutual view that allows, compliments and includes.

Forgiveness must be thought of in a new light, for as we have often considered it as forgeting the "Crime", forgiveness becomes impossible. Forgiveness happens only when we understand a person in a way that permits and allows forgiveness to happen naturally. Children have it given to them by their very nature of generosity and joyousness.

Buddhism, A Course in Miracles, Yogananda, and many other sources can offer a system of thought that will help to open that heart.

I have included "Inclusion" as something important to pursue,  because when any of your actions, thoughts and feeling seem to include others rather than exclude them, open heartedness is automatically yours.

Anyway time to get off the soap box now. On last thought is to put open heartedness in Google and go from there. Good luck.

Paul

Taboos to Freedom

Taboos to Freedom

This is the  idea that what excites, interests and makes you curious about life can sometimes be missing and try as hard as you like, it can’t be found. Sometimes certain negative ideas and feelings about life’s fascinations are what will stop you from discovering what turns you on.

Where is this coming from I hear you ask? Well because I have been involved in aged care for so long, I have met many people who have retired. Some entered into the spirit of exploring the joy of life and some never made it. But why didn’t they?

What if the problem isn’t any sort of finding what interests you, but one of strongly felt emotion. What if shame, embarrassment, or just a sense of downright wrongness about an otherwise interesting thing is enough to turn you away and stop you from being turned on.

What if it’s socially, culturally, ethically, economically, religiously wrong to be turned on. What if there is a work ethic that says anything not to do with working, supporting the family or the poor is wrong and would lead to the detriment to others who rely on you and is therefore bad.

What if you came to this country, poor, and worked real hard to support your family and knew that an education and hard smart work would make you and your family, secure and that hobbies and interests outside of this might even damage your chances of security and happiness. And what kind of a person would you be then?

What if you as the next generation’s child learnt this truth, even though now, there was plenty of time for personal exploration in a time of plenty where not working so smart and hard was perfectly alright. What kind of person would you be now, still a bad person?

Do you think that the truth you learned from your father and mother, that of responsibility and the work ethic  might prejudice your chances of finding anything  worthwhile to do in terms of interests and curiosity.

That might be why you can’t get excited about anything. The work ethic taboo would stop you feeling any good you might ordinarily feel.

But it doesn’t have to be the work ethic alone that makes you question the kind of person you should be. The social, cultural, ethical, economical, religious aspects of daily life are full of taboos that prescribe who you should be and what you should and should not be doing.

Religiously for instance, a Muslim might really want to rock and roll and not permit themselves to feel anything but disgust, as to feel otherwise would be disloyal to their religion.

All the culture and the religion, and the social norms we were meant to uphold, or even revolt against,  the class status and the financial status, the economic ideas, political ideologies, and every erroneous conclusion we have ever made about anything, can bring us to Dismiss our feelings about the very things we would otherwise love to be involved with.

But there are some things you can start to think about, that might help us see into our taboos.

·       A look at language for instance. Any time, we say “ I /you should,  I/you must, I/you should not, I/you must not”.

·       We could explore those times when we  are Critical of interests, explorations, and fascinations that seem clear to us to have negative connotations and feelings about them.

·        A sense of the kind of person you’d be [usually in a bad way] if you allowed yourself to be turned on.

Other people may be doing the exact same negative taboo thing and their reactions to some fascination you just got excited over, could be telling. Are they dismissive of your evident excitement. Do they make little jokes at your expense? Is there a slight wind of depreciation? Often, another persons reaction is telling about how they view the interesting, the curious, and the fascinating in life.

In this way you can predict that these people might very well cut themself off from being interested. Their taboos don’t allow them to be the kind of person who can be excited over “small things.”

 IF they were however, to get excited over some culturally approved activity fitting into their world view, I’m sure their taboos wouldn’t get switched on, but perhaps neither would they discover everything else that could be food for a good happy fulfilling joyous life.

Taboos are powerful things, aren’t they? On the one hand they provide the Moral parameters to be a good person, and on the other, they squash everything that might challenge that narrow notion of good and upright. Don’t be fooled, taboos kill. They kill off passion, curiosity, interest, energy, and zest for living. Taboos maintain deadening standards, that’s all.